What a difference
I am not a big fan of New Years reflections, resolutions or events. This time of year tends to make me a bit depressed. No, a lot depressed. It usually entails resolutions that will not be kept, parties that are better suited to couples and a list of things I wish I would have done. Some of that is true this year, but as I look back on where I was last year at this time I am thrilled with where I am heading.
Last year I had just lost the part time job at the video store. It was a job I had held on and off for over 15 years. Twice in the last decade I had to say goodbye to stores that I had loved and both due to a change in the market and it was almost more than I could take. Video stores are a thing of the past and the remainder bookstore I worked at was driven out by the big box bookstores. The people I worked with became family and it was hard to move on. The end LSV was frustrating having to hear day in and day out how many people loved the store. At first I just said thanks and rang up their purchases instead of rentals. But as the days went by I started telling people what I really thought… that had they supported us we wouldn’t be closing. And that I didn’t remember seeing them in the store so they didn’t love it that much. I took a lot of pleasure in making them uncomfortable as they were making me. Not a very healthy attitude, but I couldn’t stop myself.
At the same time as LSV was closing I was dealing with a full time job I hated and being on the board of an Artisan Market that I was no longer in love with. The Market was by far the more frustrating of the two. Hearing people talk about me and decisions I had made without talking to me was making me batty. The frustration of watching something you love and are passionate about fall apart around you is heartbreaking. I still have the full time job which hasn’t gotten any better, but I stepped down from the board and relinquished all responsibility. This past Spring when the market resumed people kept coming up and complaining about what the current board was doing and I asked them where were they when I struggled the previous Fall? And that now they had to deal with the new board. The relief I felt at that point was joyous.
Nov 2009 I was heading for a nervous breakdown. Almost everything made me cry, I was shaking and couldn’t hold a thought in my head. I struggled with whether or not to find a new part time job, because financially it was going to hurt. Something had to change, so I decided to put off the job search and just work the one job and to try and find the joy in art again. Maybe the Fates had decided that I needed something good to happen, because half way through 2010 things began to click. I had a stellar holiday craft show season, really beyond anything I could have imagined. October brought the opening of Yellow Door which has truly been a blessing. These are things I couldn’t have imagined a year ago when I was ready to walk away from it all. I am really excited to see where the new year takes me.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me this last year. You all are seriously amazing.